Kaboom

Someone says something, but you lack context and you’re not sure what you heard or how on earth it fits into the moment you’re already sharing; has that ever happened to you?

Your mind scrambles to make sense of the statement and you quickly, perhaps desperately, run through the different possibilities, only to discover none of the possibilities you considered were close to what the person meant!

To make the situation even more delicate, is it ever your spouse who unwittingly drops the confusion bomb on you?

Kaboom!

We were driving the other day and, as usual when we bring Bear, our Australian Labradoodle in the car, Susan was being sat upon by the beast! As we rolled along, out of the blue, Susan asked, “Does the car tire bare out?”

Immediately, I implemented a protocol of extreme prudence. According to the protocol, the first step is not to respond right away. Instead, I carefully and, with all the intelligence I could muster, pondered the origin of the question.  I drew a blank.

Think, fool. “Does the car tire bare out?”

Had she detected some subtle thumping sound in the spinning wheels? Was she contemplating a new set of tires? Was she concerned our current tires had been compromised by excessive road wear?

I opted for another quick review, “Does the car tire bear out?” 

I got this. She’s clearly asking whether I’ve noticed a steering issue that involves one of the car tires bearing outward.

That wasn’t it  Clearly, I don’t got this.

Craving more information and unable to obtain sufficient aid from my confounded brain, I expressed dismay at not understanding the question. Evidently, my questions were all pointed in the wrong direction because they seemed to be confusing Susan.

I’m confused. She’s confused. We’re turning into snapping turtles. She wonders how I could possibly misunderstand the semantics of the question, after all, she points out sweetly, it’s self-explanatory and constructed in basic English. I question her command of basic English and now we’re having fun.

Patiently, she reviews, “Does the car tire bear out?” I’m as lost and dumbfounded as I was and, believe me, the battery in my flashlight is dead as a doornail!

She spells it out, “Does – the – car – tire – bear – out?”

I still don’t know how it hit me; maybe Susan hit me. The admittedly rather dim light flickered on and I suddenly realized she was asking, “Does the car tire Bear out?” In other words, does Bear, our dog, get tired by car rides because he tends to get a little frantic when we bring him along on drives (see blog of May 21, 2015, titled "Spotless Insanity").

Eureka!

We’re laughing now, amazed at how quickly a communication breakdown can spiral downward!

What’s even more astounding is that when I set up the story and repeated the question to my son and his girlfriend, Tristan was certain his mother’s question pertained to car tires, while Lisa knew right away Susan was talking about Bear, the dog.

Kaboom!

See You Monday

It’s June 15^th, exactly one month since my last day hosting the morning show. I can’t say the month has been breezy, but I can say how eternally grateful I am to Susan and Tristan for reminding me life is always wonderful and, even jobless, I’m still who I was.

I was in university taking an introductory psychology class when I first heard about a scale that put numerical values on life changes in order to evaluate the stress they can cause. The scale was developed in 1967 by researchers Holmes and Rahe. Losing a job is ranked eighth on the scale, ahead of "marital reconciliation" and behind "marriage". The scale provides a stark reminder there are far more unkind fates.

Life changes lurk "nowhere" and "in the blue", and that’s where they pounce from - out of nowhere and out of the blue! Many people ask me whether I had any indication I would lose my job and I tell them, from my point of view, unless I missed something, there wasn’t even an indication of an indication.

It was Thursday April 9^th and as I sat editing an interview for our weekly “best of the week” show, my boss asked to see me in her office. She told me my job had been cut. Her words splashed on forehead like searing acid, burning their way into my brain and slowly sinking downward to my heart.

Like anyone who is the victim of job cuts, you wonder how, in the end, all your contributions can be worth so little. The pouring of energy, creativity, vision, talent, dedication, discretion, health, determination and so many other qualities, amount to nothing more than a perfunctory severance payment.

I’ve had several of my jobs cut before but this show, project, and work, meant more to me. I can honestly say I never took the hosting position for granted and I had said to Camille many times what a thrill it always was to hear my name announced as each new half hour of the show opened! Having my name attached to a show was an exciting first for me!

That last day one month ago was difficult, and the sign-off, dreadfully precarious. One wrong word or move by anyone would have caused me to unwind emotionally on-air.

Just as we came out of the last commercial break, Julie, one of our directors, declared quietly in my earpiece, “It’s been an honor”.  Managing a weak smile, I waved my fist at her through the camera, struggling to hold it together. Thankfully, Camille respected my request to do, and say nothing, out of the ordinary. Media critic Steve Faguy hit the nail on the head when he later observed I signed off that last Friday as though I would see viewers on Monday. It took immeasurable effort just to manage what he perceptively described as my “see-you-Monday” wave!

To say losing my job was disappointing would be to severely understate the situation. There are many questions I wish I could have management answer for me. Time is healing the sense of rejection and I hope to find fulfilling full-time work. One of my twitter followers, @DangerZone007, asked me yesterday how the adjustment is going, not being in front of the camera anymore; it’s a good question, I’m pretty sure it’s an adjustment that will be ongoing.

Overwhelmed by sadness, I wasn’t able to enter the room where staff had gathered after the May 15^th show to say goodbye to the employees who had been cut. I lingered outside for a moment or two until the swollen lump in my throat could no longer hold back the emotion, and then I quickly turned for the exit, stepped out into the hallway and blubbered my way to the elevator.

Thank you so much for all the supportive comments I’ve been getting in e-mails, on twitter and in person from viewers of the show. Leonie’s comments meant so much.

On the very first show, I told viewers I had been described by news anchor Jamie Orchard as the frog in the box that bursts into song whenever the lid is opened. A month ago, the box closed, but Michigan J. Frog is tapping on the lid, hoping to get back out.

See you Monday.

Spotless Insanity

Such exuberance; unbridled is the best way to qualify it!

After losing our wonderful Westie, Moose, August 22nd of last year, two months later, my wife bravely insisted on getting another dog and - hark - that is when Bear entered our lives. Now, patrolling our unsuspecting household, we have our faithful Westie, Spike, and a wacky Australian Labradoodle puppy named Bear.

He is supremely exuberant.

Everything he does, he does exuberantly, whether it is permitted or not.

Our house and back deck are eerily spotless these days and we have Bear to thank for that.

He rather starkly taught us anything that fits down his throat will end up there. Good to know. We leave nothing small lying around anywhere, anymore.

In earlier weeks, my son and I watched him casually swallow a sock as he flopped beside us on the couch. We brought him to the vet, where they induced vomiting and recovered the sock.

A mere few days later, he exuberantly swallowed a used fabric softener sheet like it was cotton candy! This time, after consulting the vet, we induced the vomiting ourselves, following the recipe provided to us by the vet. Strangely and somewhat disconcertingly, we have yet to hear from that dryer sheet. The vet told us it’s all good as long as stuff goes in one end and comes out the other.

If this dog appears trustworthy to you, have your eyes checked immediately.

None of it was fun for Bear or for us, which is why we choose to, as conscientiously as possible, pick up after ourselves. No more small articles of clothing lying about, no more small objects on floor surfaces and, on the back deck, no more leaf buds or branch bits.

This week, I’ve been following Bear out onto the back deck with a broom in hand, in order to sweep leaves and things away before he exuberantly ingests them! We’ve discovered that, at this time of year, he eats those brown propeller things that fall from the trees, only to unhappily regurgitate them a few hours later in the middle of our kitchen or living room.

The person loading the dryer counts out the dryer sheets placed into the machine and once the load of clothing is dried, it is now the responsibility of said person to make certain all dryer sheets are accounted for.

Bear tends to idle at “just under frantic” when travelling in a vehicle but, conveniently, that’s nothing sitting conspicuously in the lap of a suddenly squished and wheezing passenger can’t solve!

Entirely delightful.

He was supposed to be a 25 pound dog but he’s at 40 pounds and counting, which, by our standards, having become accustomed to dogs of a more sensible Westie stature, makes Bear a veritable horse! The Australian Labradoodle breeder can think of no explanation for his being twice the size of either of his parents, but I’m wisely chalking it up to pure exuberance.

His Instagram account - @thedoodlebear - is far more popular than mine, although his identifying hashtag should be #burlyandcurly.

My exuberantly re-designed duck boots

I’m not sure where he got his training, but he is a keen specialist in the indiscriminate destruction of footwear. My wife has lost at least two pairs of designer shoes and high quality winter boots. My son has lost shoes and I’ve spent the latter part of winter and early parts of spring sauntering off to the grocery store hoping no one looks down at my exuberantly redesigned LL Bean duck boots.

It sounds like insanity, I know and admit, but dogs add so much to our lives, none of which we can do without.

A lot of people who are not dog people claim to be dog people. Dog lovers know these people are not dog people and dogs know it, too. Dog people will tell you, exuberantly, how their quality of life has been lifted to new heights simply by having one of these darling animals in their lives.

One 2009 New Zealand study grimly suggests dogs have twice the carbon footprint of an SUV, suggesting they are "quite an extravagance".

Dogs ease life’s rough patches and offer infinite levels of love, loyalty and laughter.

Bear is the king of slowly stretching out a long front paw with one eye on the prize and another wary eye on Spike, who is in the process of coveting the much desired prize. It's hilarious and should be featured on comedy festival stages.

It was sad to lose Moose, but to avoid getting another dog would be to deny and ignore the difference she made in our lives and the value of the enrichment she joyfully poured over our family and household.

Moose was my stress sponge; the mere act of holding her in my arms would inevitably and involuntarily induce a giant sigh on my part. She is with us forever.

Bear is hardly sponge-like, but he is equipped with a slinky neck that can twist, bend, lean and stretch in odd and unnatural directions as he keeps an eye trained on all manner of prospective mischief.

He cannot for the life of him contain his giddy joy and boundless energy when he steps out the door for a walk.

If ALD's, as a breed, have hip displacement issues, which I don’t believe they do, it’s surely the result of excessive and uncontrolled wagging. We’re wagging right along with him.

Rediscovering Stories

The story of the “Spanish Train” gives me chills even now. I asked Chris De Burgh which of the characters in his timeless song is winning at cards these days and he stated gravely the Devil seems to be winning more than The Lord. Of course, the Devil, as Chris points out in the lyrics of the song, cheats.

Chris explained during his interview Friday on Global Montreal Morning News, he wrote the song while riding a train and letting his imagination roam.

I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing many amazing people on our show and I’m always especially excited to meet artists who’ve inspired me with their music. This, however, was the first time an artist I'd listened to growing up, actually performed on our show and it took me somewhere I’d never been before.

I’ve listened to his hits so many times, but to have him standing next to me, singing a medley of his most popular songs was surreal. For a short while, it was like I got lost.

So many excited De Burgh fans filled the hallways of our newsroom Friday morning and yet Chris posed for pictures and planted gracious kisses on cheeks, making the day of so many people, including Irma, Julie, Natalie and Lisa!

As he entered the Global studio, the legendary singer songwriter gave Camille a kiss on her hand and, I can tell you, the gesture made an impression!

I can’t remember when Richard, our typically subdued technical expert, wanted a picture with a guest, but you can tell he is a huge fan and spent several minutes chatting with Chris.

Like so many Montrealers, I grew up listening to CHOM-FM and then, a few years later, had the wild pleasure of working there for 16 years. I was lucky enough to be working there for the station’s 20^th anniversary celebration. Each employee was given a numbered double compact disc collector’s edition set of songs that defined the radio station and our city’s exquisite musical taste.

As you can see, Chris De Burgh is track number 5. He told our viewers Montreal is essentially where his career began! Chris is back in Montreal this fall for a show at Place des arts.

Thanks to Stepanie L who tweeted that of all the Chris de Burgh interviews she heard and watched this week, our Global Montreal interview was her favourite! I’ll be sure to place my Chris De Burgh interview on our “best of the week” show next Saturday. We weren’t able to turn it around quickly enough for this weekend’s “best of the week” show because we tape on Fridays.

I continue to rediscover the compelling storytelling of Chris De Burgh.

He speaks sincerely and with passion. He spoke sincerely to me, our viewers and all the fans who gathered at Global Montreal Friday morning. Like the policemen watching Patricia, all of us were shouting out for more.

Workout Incentive

Since the picture went up, the wisecracks have been surprisingly varied in their levels of inherent hilarity but reassuringly steady in their frequency.

The picture dates back to January 8^th, the day after fitness columnist Jennifer Rochon did her segment on meeting fitness goals for the New Year. She insisted one effective way to meet your goals is to put your face on top of the physique you strive to achieve and then place the picture on your refrigerator door.

The picture, according to Jennifer, should provide added motivation and incentive to get it done.

One of our show directors that day, Bruno, Bruno LeFou on Facebook, generously decided to provide me added motivation by preparing a picture and posting it outside the wall of the morning show pod.

When she was back last week to do her fitness segment, Bruno, Bruno LeFou on Facebook, showed the picture to Jennifer who, reportedly, busted a gut.

Don’t think me ungrateful, but the picture seems to be motivating others far more than it’s motivating me, although, at this rate, I could still come around.

Life Is Grand

A grand.

I know.

It’s all relative - and always will be.

Justin Bieber has 59.3 million twitter followers.

I just tipped 1,000.

I’ll take it.

It’s kind of fun!

I like twitter; it’s a simple and quick way to keep in touch with people who are interested and interesting. 

I’ve tweeted thousands of times about all kinds of stuff; thoughts, music, pictures, nonsense and all kinds of quasi-insightful information about the fun I’m having meeting people and working in our amazing city on Global Montreal Morning News!

I appreciate having people consider my tweets and it's been fun corresponding with tweeps!

  

Gee, I have another G to tell you about.

I’ve been a musician since I sang in the school choir in elementary school, touring institutions for the elderly to sing Christmas carols. I was touring high schools in the city with our school’s production of "Joseph and His Technicolor Dreamcoat". I’ve performed at countless weddings and corporate functions. I’ve been given standing ovations at university talent shows and I’ve sang anthems at sporting events. It's always exciting and gratifying! 

Also, exciting and gratifying is being on youtube, where my cover of Bruce Hornsby's wonderful love song "Mandolin Rain" just reached 1,000 views!

Yee-haw! I feel so brilliantly leading edge.

I’m fully aware, in the grand scheme of things, my reaching 1,000 followers on twitter and 1,000 views on youtube is barely blip-worthy. Yet, for me, never opposed to modest and vehemently against overstatement, it rates as noteworthy and as proof yet again, life is ever so grand.

Fraught With Peril

Posting pictures of our guests to social media is an easy and fun way to promote our show. I post pictures of guests our viewers see on the show and guests our viewers may have missed!

The vast majority of our guests are truly worth documenting! Global Montreal Morning News features some stellar names; from such international stars as James Blunt, Sarah Brightman, Gino Vanelli, Roch Voisine, Chris Hadfield and Jason DeRulo - to such iconic Canadian names as Caroline Ouellette, Roch Carrier, Conrad Black, Anthony Calvillo, Measha Bruggergosman and Mikael Kingsbury! On top of those more recognizable guests, we get so many wonderful locally-known scientists, athletes, artists, musicians, entrepreneurs, actors, chefs, newsmakers, experts, analysts, columnists and more. Montreal attracts a high caliber of individuals and for that, we are fortunate.

Media outlets in smaller markets may not have that same range of potential guests.

No noteworthy interviewee has turned down my requests for a picture. I tweet the photos and post them to Facebook and Instagram. There can be challenges, but the guest in the photo isn’t usually the problem; the problem is more often the photographer. The photographer, typically, snaps one quick, ill-considered photo and hands my iphone back to me.

Inevitably, someone in this casually captured single moment could look better! Often, it’s both the guest and I. The single picture is often badly framed, poorly lit, blurred, unflattering, or includes part of the photographer’s digit!

I can’t count the number of pictures I’ve deleted because they’re purely unpostable!

The only person who gets it right is co-host Camille! I can rest easy when Camille snaps the picture. It’s well framed, well lit and there are several alternate pictures available. Whew!

If she’s not in the studio when I need the picture taken,  I’ll stall, keeping the guest there until she returns. If she hasn’t made it back in time, then, reluctantly, I’m forced to grasp at straws.

Actress, singer, jewelry designer and entrepreneur Caroline Neron came in for an interview right before Christmas. Caroline is always energetic and fun. After the interview, with Camille unavailable, I handed my smart phone to Caroline’s publicist. I urged her to take more than one picture, warning a single picture often ends up with me or a guest looking “like this”; I made a face.

The publicist laughed and announced she had just snapped that picture.

I reacted to her announcement by sheepishly blurting “oh no”, after which the publicist announced she had just taken that picture, too!

It’s such a basic and simple thing and yet the picture snapping process is fraught with peril, I tell you! Where’s Camille when you need her?

Thanks to the patience of Caroline and her publicist, we eventually got it right and I tweeted t a visually appealing picture.

A couple of weeks ago Olympians and newly-crowned Grand Prix figure skating champions Meagan Duhamel and Eric Radford came in for an interview. Camille wasn’t around and not wanting to oblige them to linger, I hastily recruited someone else to take a picture. When I looked at it afterward, it was so dark I wasn’t able to post it!

I much prefer looking at my photo selection and saying, “oh, nice” instead of  “oh, snap”!