Spare Me the Spandex

My wife purchased two pairs of jeans for me. I got one pair as a Christmas gift and, a few months later, she bought me a second pair.

I remember pulling on the pair I got for Christmas and complaining with equal parts disdain and mortification, “Why are they stretchy?”

She calmly told me they had spandex in them. Most indignant, I blurted, “Well, that’s swell, but why is it in my jeans?”

She insisted that is how jeans are made now. No way that’s right, I thought to myself, you’re just going to the wrong stores! I have not gone shopping for jeans in a while, but I cannot imagine good old fashioned, non-stretchy, 100 percent cotton denim has been rendered obsolete.

Are cowboys riding the range in stretchy jeans? Whoa, podner, I think not! Are construction workers on job sites sporting spandex? Fat chance!

Sure it’s interesting that spandex is made of a long chain polymer called polyurethane and that it is produced as a result of a complex chemical process where a polyester reacts with a diisocyanate.

But why is it in my jeans?

When it was first introduced by Du Pont in 1960, spandex was used in bras and girdles. In the 70’s, it was used in women’s underwear and swimsuits, then in biking shorts, leotards and women’s hosiery.

Why is it in my jeans?

An article in lifestyle magazine, The Atlantic, suggests, “…elastane fibers give jeans a softer feel and help ease the adversarial relationship between the durable rugged textile and tender bits of the human body.”

Pfffft. I’ve got news for you, none of the bits on this human body are that tender and I would prefer they stay that way.

The fashion universe may be unfolding as it should, but my jeans are not.

I will definitely have to purchase my next pair of jeans myself and my first, emphatic, question to the sales clerk will be, “None of my bits are tender so, please, where are the jeans that don’t stretch?”

I’ll straighten this out.

Women may have embraced softer, form-fitting, spandex-laced skinny jeans from the beginning, but I am not there.

My wife may have been under the impression I prefer being on the cusp of fashion trends, but, by now, she has most certainly realized that’s a bit of a stretch.

Not Totally Crazy

It was one of the coolest places I visited as feature reporter for the morning show. La Papeterie Saint-Armand produced the most amazing handmade paper – out of the most amazing stuff! The Montreal company by the Lachine Canal transformed linen, flax, denim and shredded cash. Co-owner Denise Lapointe was fun to interview, knowledgeable, with a sense of humour.

Their website says they are open to the public three days a week. If you appreciate paper or industrial history, La Papeterie is definitely worth a visit, once this pandemic is past. They have an amazing assortment of papers and impressive machines from a bygone era.

Since I had seen paper made out of blue jeans, I imagined that blue jeans could very well be made out of paper. There are companies that make polar fleece from plastic bottles!

I got a pair of jeans for Christmas. The tag attached to the jeans advertised, “100% Recycled Paper”. For several minutes, I believed the jeans I had been given were made out of recycled paper. People thought I was nuts! I blame La Papeterie Saint-Armand. It may have been 15 years ago, but with my own eyes, I saw paper made from blue jeans, so my imagination allowed for the possibility jeans could be made from paper.

So what is the tag in the photo referring to – the tag itself? I guess that’s the only possible conclusion. Hardly as exciting as mine.

In my own defense, there is a Swedish denim company that incorporates paper in its jeans. I’m not totally crazy.

When CHOM was Home - Skating with The Great One

I was opening up the newsroom mail when I came across an invitation with my name on it from Coca-Cola to attend its Future Stars hockey camp in Val-Belair. According to the invite, I would have an opportunity to skate with Wayne Gretzky and other NHL stars.

Whaaaaat?

Incredulous, dumbfounded and dazed, I slapped my face to regain my senses and hurried to my boss’s office to ask whether I could attend. It was June 17, 1993, and my Program Director, Ian McLean, said, “go for it and get some interviews”!

On June 28, 1993, I hopped into a company vehicle with my hockey equipment and a company tape deck and drove to Val-Belair. We were two entire dressing rooms crammed full of star struck journalists. Organizers gave us a quick speech about being careful not to injure the NHL stars and then we were out on the ice. Granted, ice time was limited because of the large number of journalists, but I got out there four or five times.

Denis Savard, Rob Niedermayer and a pile of fellow journalists were on my team, playing against Wayne Gretzky, Jaromir Jagr and more fellow journalists. After the match, there was a reception where I interviewed Wayne Gretzky and Denis Savard. Jagr told me he did not feel comfortable enough to do an interview in English, but he very kindly signed an autograph for me.

I remember being amazed at how gracious The Great One was in the face of a ludicrous tornado of attention sucking up every second of his time. He was gracious during our interview and while posing with me for a quick photo.

I still have the jersey Coca-Cola gave us for the scrimmage, not to mention the memories and the thrill of meeting Wayne Gretzky. He was the real thing.

Yeah, I played hockey with Wayne Gretzky; that’s just the kind of crazy stuff that would happen when CHOM was home.

Wait for It

Rules in our society, usually, are put in place for the greater good, but too many people could care less about the greater good. They care only about themselves. These are the people I see routinely ignoring social distancing.

During the first days of confinement, police came to a neighbor’s house when several vehicles were spotted outside. Just about every day since then, several vehicles and individuals have been visiting the same residence.

As I walked around the block late one night last week, another neighbor had several people gathered around a campfire on their front lawn. I drive by parks and see groups of people playing soccer.

In grocery stores, some people respect the recommended two metre distancing and others could care less.

Idiots don’t care who they may or may not put at risk.

I have always been infuriated by people who don’t respect the rules that good people follow.

Dogs are supposed to be kept on a leash. Our dogs are always on leashes. We have asked local police to tell delinquent neighbors to keep their dogs on leashes, but the police have done nothing. The rules are in place for the greater good. Stupid people ignore the rules and the police don’t enforce them. Good people pay the price. Now we have to avoid certain streets when we walk our dogs.

I don’t know where the police are during this pandemic.

These ignorant people who break the rules deserve to get sick. The only problem is that their ignorance puts so many other people at risk, including the incredibly selfless individuals who have been risking their lives every day in our health care institutions.

All of us should be doing what we can to reduce the risk of infection facing dedicated doctors, nurses, paramedics and hospital support staff. They should be able to spend more time with their families. They trust us to do our best to respect the rules in order to help reduce the number of cases they have to treat, which, in turn, helps reduce their probability of infection.

In our household, we are doing everything we can to keep ourselves safe, which helps to keep others safe.

Rules are for the good of good people, but bad people ignore the rules, which makes life bad for too many good people.

Victims of crime are a perfect example; victims of crimes have fewer rights than the criminals who commit them.

We went to a hardware store yesterday to buy a mower. There, too, most people are not social distancing. I do a lot of glaring at people who do not keep their distance. While the rest of society works to flatten it, stupid people seem determined to fatten the curve.

I am not the least bit convinced politicians are making the right decisions with regard to public health by re-opening stores, day camps and schools. I understand they have the economy to think about, but one epidemiologist I saw interviewed, pointed out that never in the history of humankind has there been a pandemic that did not have a second wave.

Wait for it.

Stupid and Dangerous

It makes no sense to me.

That elementary schools are reopening in Quebec and the Deux Montagnes commuter train to Montreal is being stopped to build the REM during a pandemic, makes no sense to me.

The government says it doesn’t want gatherings; both of those realities represent gatherings, which represent the very real possibility of bumping up the infection rate.

A child can bring COVID from home, easily give it to classmates, or teachers, who take it home to their parents and siblings, or spouses.  Why risk exposing more people, some of whom will, inevitably, be among the most vulnerable?

On Thursday, Quebec had 944 new cases. Today, Quebec reported the highest single day death total in the province at 163. So far, 2,022 lives have been lost in Quebec due to COVID-19. Why risk any more, why risk even one more?

What is the rush? Why not give social distancing and home confinement more time?

Commuters who can no longer take the Deux-Montagnes train must now take buses, instead. People returning to work will be crowded into buses, just as they are on metros. Why is that suddenly a safe option?

Is it about the economy?

Can someone explain this to me so that it makes sense? 

Right now, two words come to mind – stupid and dangerous – not necessarily in that order.

When CHOM was Home - Some Highs & Lows

Working at CHOM-CKGM for seventeen years was great fun, professionally.

I lived close to the station when I worked there. Every now and then, I would stop in at the Greene Avenue studios late at night and ask the DJ’s who were on-air which records or CD’s I could borrow, and then I would go into the production studio and make cassettes of all my favorite songs.

Big time awesome!

For me, that was one of the many amazing perks that came with working there. I would play the cassettes in my car and crank them! I still have a lot of the cassettes, but I guess they’re of not much practical use now.

As with all jobs, there were plenty of ups and downs - fast times and funks. In 1987, I was demoted, my pay rolled back, with my boss at the time telling me my voice wasn’t deep enough to do news.

I was shocked and staggered, but not for long. Undeterred, or stubbornly, I stuck it out.

By September 1988, I had a new boss in Steve Kowch, who raised my annual salary by 35 percent when he was hired. He made sure I was able to do the things I enjoyed doing with fair compensation. His approach to the newsroom restored my focus and zeal.

Bosses came and went.

I stayed at CHOM-CKGM until I was laid off in February 2002, along the way, garnering two nominations for ACTRA National Radio Awards in the Best Opinion/Commentary category.

What can I say? You do what you love for as long as you can, which is just what I did when CHOM was home.

News Anchor #1

I took the day off work and went to Mel’s film stage in Montreal on October 2, 2017, to shoot my small part as a news anchor in “X Men: Dark Phoenix”.  I went to costume and make-up and then sat in my half-trailer to wait for my scene to be shot. The sign on the door read, "News Anchor #1".

My half trailer

Selfie in costume waiting to go on set

I shot the scene and, knowing there was a chance my part might not make it in the film, I didn't think about it again until, many months later, Steve, a colleague at work, mentioned he had seen me in the movie. I was delighted to hear the filmmakers had managed to salvage something!

My family gave me a DVD of "X Men: Dark Phoenix" for Christmas. You bet I was shocked that I didn't make the cover of the DVD! For weeks, Susan had been pushing me to watch it, so, on Saturday, we finally did. I appear as a news anchor in two small scenes.

All in all, the experience was pretty interesting. I continue to wait for my close-up.