Municipal - (wait for it) - Tax Bill

One evening last week when I came home from work, Susan announced that the municipal tax bill had arrived and, she added hastily, it was $1000 more than last year. 

Almost instantly, dejection and disillusionment began seeping into my mind. Dejection, because $1000 dollars is a freaking steep increase; disillusionment, because even though we have both spent our entire lives in this town, consider it home and grew up here as children, reliably paying our taxes for services every year, we are no longer permitted to receive bilingual explanations of our skyrocketing tax bill. 

 

Susan offered to show the bill to me but, glumly, I declined the offer, preferring to confront the dismal reality later. 

 

I sat on the couch wallowing in a fairly familiar soup of learned helplessness.

 

A few hours later, as we stood at the kitchen table, she pulled the infernal bill out of the envelope and after looking at it closely, she declared that she’d made a mistake; the bill was actually not $1000 more but, instead, it was the same amount as the year before. 

 

Uncomprehending, I stared at her. 

 

Wait, I don’t think the word “uncomprehending” covers it. Dumbfounded. Stunned. Incredulous. Flabbergasted.

 

Fine; as my brain cautiously processed her latest comment, I was also relieved, but she had reported a rather heaping discrepancy!

 

So very many questions; but why dwell?

Later that night, I reluctantly admitted to Susan that she’d inadvertently managed to make me feel quite lighthearted about the tax bill. 

 

That never happens.

 

She finds the episode amusing and, after several sessions with a gifted therapist, I sort of do, too.

 

However, my sweetheart, this is in no way an endorsement of any future plan on your part to employ such a deceptive psychological tactic. 

 

Do I recommend implementing this deliberate strategy for dealing with the twists and turns in your life?. Not really. 

 

Doesn’t it seem inherently unhealthy in many ways?

 

I believe it far wiser to invest in honesty.

 

And better glasses for you know who.

 

 

Are REM Riders Ready for Reality?

Not all, but most commuters are quite pushy and inconsiderate. You need only commute to learn the ugly truth about commuters. 

So, when the doors of the REM train open during rush hour at a stop along the very busy Deux Montagnes line, the shrimpy train will fill quickly. Then, when that same train arrives at the next stop and opens its doors, more of those waiting, pushy commuters I mentioned will try to cram themselves in. Then, when that same train arrives at the next stop and opens its doors...and so on. 

 

Will rush hour REM trains on the Deux Montagnes line be precariously overcrowded? Bet on it. Can the rolling stock and infrastructure handle that – who knows? 

Oh, sure, there’s another train 5 minutes later but during rush hour, with pushy commuters packing platforms, it will quickly and inevitably become a question of - Push. Pack. Repeat. 

 

I get it. Greater train frequency should prevent a build-up of commuter volume on platforms but I’m one of the many people who has repeatedly lived rush hour on the Deux Montagnes line. 

 

No self-respecting commuter galoot will wait another 5 minutes for the next shrimpy train to arrive when there’s people to push around and a perfectly good opportunity to get to their destination 5 minutes faster. Plus, who’s to say the next train coming in 5 minutes won’t be even more crowded?  

 

It bothers me so much that these shrimpy trains are driverless. So many millions of things can go very wrong. 

 

Tell me, are these shrimpy trains designed to jump over each other? No. So, when one shrimpy train breaks down, all the other, what - 10 or 15 shrimpy trains travelling at the same time on the line behind the breakdown - will be stopped in their tracks. 

 

The South Shore line has had more than its share of hassles and headaches. Keep in mind the South Shore line has been having repeated breakdowns, power failures, glitches and delays with only four stops along 16 kilometres in service. 

 

The Deux Montagnes line, with a historically mammoth ridership, will have six stops over a greater distance, although I’m not sure how it can have only six stops when there are so many more stops along the same stretch of track.

 

I’m puzzled that the REM considers the Deux Montagnes line six-stops only, with the last stop being Sunnybrooke. The train continues to Central station, passing through Bois Franc, du Ruisseau and the rest of the stops that the REM refers to as its Main Line.  

 

Can commuters waiting at Montpellier, for example, get on the shrimpy train from Deux Montagnes or does it roll straight through? If they are able to climb aboard, the trains will be absolutely packed! If they cannot get on, can a commuter from Deux Montagnes get off?

 

Does the REM train from Deux Montagnes not stop at those stations? If a commuter from Deux Montagnes wants to get off at one of those stops, do they have to transfer to the Main Line at Bois-Franc?

 

Those stops – Bois-Franc, Du Ruisseau, Montpellier, Cote de Liesse, TMR, Canora, Edouard Montpetit and McGill - are all before Central Station.

 

Think a moment, the combined Deux Montagnes/Main Line will have even more stops than the train it replaced, with several thousand more people each day looking to ride the REM. That means more people will be driving to stations to board the shrimpy train, which brings me back to overloaded rolling stock and pushy, inconsiderate commuters.

 

All those cars driving to stations will mean parking issues and there’s not much free parking. REM developers want you to cough up to park. Don’t doubt parking will be insufficient and expensive.

 

This REM project, which unilaterally cannibalized the perfectly good infrastructure of the Deux Montagnes commuter train line, was supposed to be affordable. All parking ought to be free.  

 

In 2016, ridership on the Deux Montagnes train line was estimated at 31,000 commuters per day. One estimate I saw put yearly ridership along the line at 7.5 million commuters. That was almost a decade ago! I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that estimated daily ridership today has more than doubled.

 

More stops over a greater distance than the South Shore section, and with all the towns and cities along the Deux Montagnes line swelling in population since the pandemic, and more companies reneging on hybrid work arrangements, ridership will be grotesquely high. 

Curious, I rode the South Shore REM line shortly after it opened and, frankly, it worked well on that day. It was summer and not rush hour.

 

The utopic version would have REM trains working reliably, safely and affordably, while helping significantly reduce consistently horrid rush hour road traffic.

 

Cue hysterical laughter.

 

There was a REM employee aboard who explained to me how the trains don’t always line up precisely with the platform and, unless they line up precisely, doors will not open. 

 

De-icing gravel in the door tracks was one of the many things that caused breakdowns on the South Shore line during winter months. Seriously? If REM trains have issues with de-icing gravel there’s no way they’ll handle all the other extreme conditions Montreal winters bring! So much for a weather-proof design.

 

One spokesperson for CDPQ, which manages the REM, is quoted as saying building and operating driverless trains has presented a rare set of challenges complicated by Quebec’s widely changing temperatures. 

Duh. 

They make it sound like they were caught off guard by Montreal weather. Did they not take Montreal weather into account? Did you not design and build the REM with Montreal weather in mind? Have you been outside?

How stupid do their comments about unpredictable weather sound?

I hope I never have to - or any of my significant others ever has to - get off a broken down REM train mid-line on a day when freezing rain has made everything treacherous and be forced to walk along elevated tracks to some bus. 

These shrimpy REM trains should not be driverless. If anything goes wrong, commuters will be at the mercy of an un-invested squawk box.

 

The REM was supposed to be the modern, capable transit solution designed to take Greater Montreal commuters comfortably, safely and affordably into the future.

For the promise of that, people living near the tracks have been enduring years of hell as construction fumbled along.

This ill-conceived project was supposed to solve transit problems, not create them. 

Pick a card, any card; the potential issues include - Safety. Reliability. Affordability. Accessibility. 

Eventually, there are supposed to be 26 stations over 67 kilometres of often elevated tracks moving people safely all hours of the day through ice storms, snow storms, wind, rain, stifling heat and humidity, and minor earthquakes.

No drivers, mind you - just all those trusting people riding alone in an elevated mechanical can.

 

I shudder.

 

The REM's gonna hit the fan. 

 

Saved by the Sardine

A few days ago, we completed a two-week Healthy Ingestion Challenge.

It was initiated by my wife and counted five participants.

 

Each day for two weeks, we’ve been writing a list of foods we ingest and then my wife, who is a certified fitness instructor with some nutrition training, grades us on whether we’ve eaten healthy.

 

Knowing the challenge was imminent, I stocked up on foods I thought were healthy; orange juice, nuts, yogurt, V8 juice, bottled water and the like.

 

The first day I rated an appalling C-.

 

I was flabbergasted. I was going cold turkey on that first day, breaking a slew of bad habits and routines by choosing not to ingest my usual cheat foods.

 

Reality check. I was forced to understand by my wife and some other gung ho participants that I would not be graded on the basis of what I did not eat. 

 

I would not be granted hero status for choosing not to drink a small can of root beer, or choosing not to pop a few cookies.

 

It was only about what I ingested.

 

Double drat darn, I would have to get serious.

 

It turns out the yogurt had too much sugar, the V8 had too much sodium, and even the orange juice had too much sugar, even if it is completely natural.

It seems the highest marks in this challenge were being awarded to participants who packed in the protein and who ingested at least three liters of water a day!

 

Perhaps I misunderstood and had unwittingly signed up for a protein ingestion challenge.

 

If I have a slice of pizza, even straight cheese pizza, it must be accompanied by a cola. For me, it’s neural wiring.

 

Thinking a slice of cheese pizza accompanied by a bottle of water might earn me accolades, I put it on one of my lists.

 

Boy, was I wrong!

 

At some point, outside the context of this challenge, Susan had mentioned chocolate milk was a good choice. When I added it to my list one day, I was heralded for the protein it included but whacked for the sugar content.

 

I think sardines saved me from being completely disillusioned and failing miserably. I threw sardines, salmon and tuna in there whenever I could, which the judge deemed roundly positive.

 

I threw in cherry tomatoes, peppers and frozen vegetable mixes. Oh yeah and brown rice.

 

I managed a string of A’s on a few days.

 

My son won the challenge by ingesting heaps of protein and mind-boggling, bladder-busting volumes of water every single day.

 

He just did what he does every day.

 

Sigh.

 

He did get knocked on occasion for low vegetable intake.

 

It was fun; competing against each other and making my flimsy arguments before unsympathetic fellow participants.

 

To keep things in perspective, my sister-in-law was a first day disqualification.

 

Perhaps some of the discipline I mustered during the challenge will persist post-challenge.

 

Wouldn’t that be nice. 

Olympic Worthy? Let's Talk

What fun to see sports I don’t normally get to see, like track cycling, judo, trampoline, wrestling and fencing. 

I appreciate the traditional sports too, like javelin, hammer throw, shot put, pole vault and the running events. I admit there is lots of swimming, but the sport belongs at the Olympics in my view, along with diving, and I’ll even accept water polo.

 

I see synchro swimming as kinda like figure skating. For now, it stays.

 

Gymnastics belongs there, too.

 

I went around and around with my son the other day, discussing what events work as Olympic sports and what events are sadly mistaken.

 

I am self-appointed decider of what goes and what stays - and now that I’ve granted myself the authority to choose what sports remain Olympic ones, I have been trying to wield my power in a reasonable fashion. 

 

Come into my office and have a seat. What have you got?

 

Race walking? Get lost.

 

3-on-3 basketball, beach volleyball, beach football, beach soccer, beach frisbee and beach anything - you’re gone.

 

3-on-3 hockey? No thank-you.

 

Break dancing? Security!

 

Synchro diving is another story. I really do not see the point and would not be surprised to see you try to introduce synchro weightlifting, or synchro tennis, or even three or four divers all trying to synchronize their performances. It’s arbitrary and pointless and is better suited to a circus. Get rid of it!

 

I like watching it, but I wouldn’t strenuously object to the elimination of ping pong in favor of, say, lacrosse, or cricket. We can watch world class ping pong on some other stage.

 

I’m torn on equestrian stuff. Why not barrel racing? Not sufficiently highfalutin?

 

Lay your thoughts on me

 

I do not need to see NHL’ers, NBA’ers, or NFL’ers again. I know what they can do. I don’t need to see them play flag football, or frozen tag, or hopscotch at the Olympics. 

 

I don’t want to see the professional tennis, or soccer players, yet again.

 

Let’s see what each country’s amateur athletic talent looks like.

 

Who allowed golf? You’re fired.

 

I’ll give you four test sports every Olympic year, a sport that is showcased just to show the world it’s out there but not necessarily worthy of recurring Olympic status – like cliff diving, footbag, parachuting, ultimate frisbee or, what the heck, bowling. It’s only for one year and then, as far as the Olympics are concerned, it never happened.

 

I did not appreciate this year’s sewage triathlon and frankly, we have got to fine Paris for making top athletes sick. Take the Paris organizing committee to court and after they are forced to financially compensate the athletes who had to swim in their effluent, we provide members of the Paris Olympic organizing committee with water wings and make them go for a long swim in the Seine after a heavy rainfall. Inexcusable.

 

Don’t call it steeplechase and have humans splash through a puddle in a stadium. Lame. Have them run in the woods and actually negotiate obstacles in the countryside like the mountain bikers and horses at Versailles. Not possible? Get rid of it.

 

Gun stuff? It’s out.

 

Archery? Nope.

 

What did you say? Did you say pickle ball? You have got to be joking!

 

Whatever happened to squash, or racquetball?

 

While you’re at it, find some hosts with credibility and who don’t try to win a medal in Olympic stupidity, narcissism, or contrived coolness. I love the mute and channel buttons on my remote.

 

There are so many activities, pastimes, arts and sports out there, but not all of them belong at the Olympic games. A case can be made for all of them but, thankfully, a reasonable individual is making the hard choices.

 

If you don’t like it, have your people call my people.

Lunch Bag Letdown

Well, that felt even more disappointing than the two or three seasons before.

 

I watched every game this season and started out in September insisting to people I know that the Senators would make the playoffs.

 

#bummer

 

Even during a dismal and disappointing season, it is a pleasure to watch Tkachuk and Stutzle play the game. Guys like Giroux, Kelly, Batherson, and Norris, typically don’t take a shift off and they play like they care, which, if I’m not getting any playoff action, is all I ask.

 

In the April 7^th game against the Devils, Tkachuk threw a record 16 hits for a single game. He is a big-time player, scoring big goals, making big plays, and doing what has to be done to show his team intensity and leadership. No surprise that he’s been nominated for the King Clancy Memorial Trophy for a third time 

 

Stutzle is a whiz, with creative, split second moves, and great vision. Maybe he doesn’t shoot enough and he gives the puck away at times but, for all his exciting talent, I can easily live with the few mistakes he makes.

 

I’ve developed much more appreciation this year for Joseph’s speed and work ethic, as well as Grieg’s more pesky approach to the game.

 

Last year at this time, I was so impressed with Sanderson. He rarely made a wrong decision with the puck, or without it. I ordered one of his t-shirts. He is an outstanding player who, this year, proved he’s human, making many questionable decisions with the puck. I’m hoping next year he’ll rediscover the incredible form he showed last season.

 

Jacob Bernard-Docker really impressed me compared to his earlier seasons. He made good decisions with the puck and showed a lot more physicality.

 

I keep saying it; while others on the team play like they care, Chabot rarely looks like he does. There was a point in the third period of the final Panthers game that he flew back to the Ottawa defensive zone after an offensive rush and I wondered why he doesn’t always skate like that?

 

That same game, Korpisalo had a solid third period, but one solid period here and there will not the playoffs make.

 

Goaltending yet again was sucky and suspect, poor and porous. At one point during the season, Forsberg was ranked 42 of 51 goalies while Korpisalo was 51 of 51. The recurring goaltending issues are bogus and should have been addressed long ago.

 

As inconsistent and unreliable as goaltending seemed to me, I think the season’s low point, apart from Norris being injured again, was the fact that Ottawa failed to record a shot for the entire third period against Nashville, unless I heard wrong.

 

The arrival of Jacques Martin did nothing for me and did nothing for the team. His arrival seemed to coincide with a sag in enthusiasm, or a fizz in the chemistry, between players. Before Martin’s arrival, the guys seemed to have fun playing for each other, but Martin’s arrival seemed to dampen the mood on the ice. The guys seemed to lack the same jump. Just my observation.

 

Hopefully, there are no dumb and drastic decisions in the off season.

 

I wonder what the players themselves believe the problem is with the team. Goaltending and defense must be at the top.

 

BTW - If you’re curious to know how a Montrealer became a Senators fan, I refer to you my September 25, 2010 blog, titled “You Can Keep Kovalazy”.

 

Go Sens Go. 

 

Next year will be better.

 

Can it get any worse?

 

The Optional Octagon

Anyone?

Somebody?

 

Please, is there someone out there willing and able to enforce stop signs?

 

It appears I am the only person on the face of the Earth who obeys these red octagons by coming to a complete stop.

 

Even most police cars I see, tend to roll through.

While walking our dogs, I am compelled to yell at drivers who don’t even slow down; they just drive right through stop signs as though the posted octagon is purely optional.

 

Behind the wheel is another story entirely.

 

The way I learned it, when two vehicles arrive at an intersection at the same time, the vehicle that makes a complete stop first, has the right of way and can leave first. That’s what I expect to happen and it $%#@&* never does.

 

Thoroughly infuriating.

 

As a result, when behind the wheel, I am compelled to honk my horn at drivers who don’t do a full stop. 

 

That has led to road rage behavior by drivers I honk at, which is messed up.

 

I am convinced that if some diligent police jurisdiction enforced stop signs and collected fines from drivers, we would be able to rid ourselves of municipal taxes and, just a few short weeks later, income tax.

 

Should I simply wallow in my learned helplessness and, as a rule, start doing American stops?

 

If you can’t beat them, join them?

 

Hey, you jerks out there…the red octagon is not optional.

 

Apparently, enforcing it is.

 

 

The Valueless Quebec Anglo

A few months ago, the city where we live informed us in our bilingual municipal newsletter that it was no longer permitted to communicate with its citizens bilingually.

Our municipal tax bill, which I just received, is no longer bilingual. Even a bilingual explanation and breakdown of our municipal tax bill is no longer permitted.

Regarding our banned official language, no federal political party gives a crap, no provincial political party gives a crap. We are valueless, inconsequential Quebec anglophones, whose causes and rights are of no interest to any political party, or politician.

 

That Camille Laurin said in 1995, “The English minority belongs to Quebec as much as francophones belong to Quebec”, matters not. 

 

That then-Parti Quebecois leader Jacques Parizeau said in 1990 Quebec anglophones are as Quebecois as anyone, matters not.

 

The dollars and cents earned by proud Quebec anglos in their Quebec jobs helped make Quebec what it is today – and yet no one cares.

 

Mission accomplished?