Round and Round

The amount on our latest municipal tax bill included one penny. To illustrate, let’s say it was $1234.01. I prepared a check for $1234.00. My wife suggested I include the one cent. I scoffed outright, and with generous bluster, pointed out the rounding rule.

Off to city hall I went. I slid the check across the counter to the clerk, who began entering the name, address and amount into her computer. Very casually, she announced there would be an “amount due” of one cent in our account. Almost, but not quite incredulous, I pointed out, with generous bluster, the rounding rule.

When it ceased production of the penny in 2012, the Royal Canadian Mint explained the rounding rule to Canadians. The rounding rule, pointed out the city hall clerk, completely blusterless, applies to cash only.

Oh, fine.

I asked if I could pay the penny now. She said, yes. So I took out a nickel and slid it across the counter. She smiled and explained that because of the rounding rule, she was unable to give me four cents change. In a cash situation, four cents would be rounded to five cents, meaning we would have sat there all day, me handing her the nickel to cover my one-cent debt, and her, handing me back the same nickel after rounding off my four cents change!

I muttered, “Keep the nickel.” Would I get a credit of four cents in my account? Nope.

Sigh.

Normally, I do not practice penny pinching. Still, I prefer not to think of the moral of this story as “listen to your wife”, but, instead, “pay in cash next time and save the penny”. Either way, to me, it makes absolutely no cents.

What's In Your Wallet

It’s all the rage. Tailgating. No joke, they are right on my bumper, like a primed pimple. Lately, the people I loosely refer to as motorists, are driving obnoxiously close to the rear of my vehicle. It’s not happening on the highway as much as it seems to be happening on secondary roads, such as residential streets and boulevards. 

It’s been about six months since I first noticed this irritating new trend. Believe me, I’m not driving too slow!

I understand government greed. It’s about keeping the coffers as full as possible. The province has a lot of bills to pay. Purely in the name of raking in revenue, the government went ahead and quietly created the IC driver’s permit, but, truth be told, it’s a decision that’s coming back to haunt us.

There are no cognitive criteria whatsoever; the controversial driving permit is granted to anyone who can, more or less, walk upright. By handing the IC driver’s permit to anyone who wants one, the government very conveniently collects piles of money from permit fees, vehicle registrations, taxes on tires, gasoline, car parts and insurance. It’s a mega-cash cow! There are, however, considerable compromises to safety.

With all the dunces and dopes on the road holding IC permits, there are more accidents and injuries, which pushes up hospital costs and work absenteeism. There is more road rage and general stress. Court costs are skyrocketing. More damaged cars are rusting away in junkyards, which is harmful to the environment.

Judging by the proportion of stupid, discourteous drivers I encounter on Montreal roads, I’m prepared to estimate that only 3 percent of all drivers sitting behind the wheel have driver’s permits that are legit. The other 97 percent of people I loosely refer to as motorists were, ever so cavalierly, handed the IC driver’s permit.

Quebec’s IC permit was thoroughly ill-conceived. Drivers with IC permits are running rampant, and routinely running red lights and stop signs. They are lane hogs, refusing to budge from the passing lane, they weave, cut-in, tailgate, and cannot master merging. IC permit holders also toss cigarette butts from their car windows.

Please, someone, enforce the basic rules of the road!

You IC permit holders, know this; there’s no way on earth any examiner in their right mind would have granted you a real driver’s permit! For many Quebecers, it may be shocking to hear that Transport authorities have been hiring driving examiners who are not of sound mind, but there it is. The system feeds itself.

As for the few examiners still in their right mind, they have been ordered to pass you because the government needs more of what’s in your wallet. Do not think for a moment you have been granted a permit because you can actually drive! In fact, don’t think for a moment at all, because thought is far beyond the capacity of the typical IC permit holder.

Get off my bumper and go get a real driver’s permit, if you dare. Your IC driver’s permits should all be revoked!

Take a moment right now, if you will, to check your driver’s permit. Have a look; maybe you are part of the problem. I’m curious to know whether your permit is Imbecile Class, or not.

What’s in your wallet?