When CHOM was Home - Rhino Runs Rampant

I grew up watching – and loving – the animated Spider-Man series that was on television from 1967 to 1970. One of the series characters that seemed to capture my imagination was The Rhino. He was no criminal mastermind, he would basically lower his head and use his bulk and horn to bull his way through any and all obstacles.

I guess he captured Pete Marier’s imagination as well.

We worked the afternoons together for a while, back when Bad Pete had a parrot. On occasion, one of us would charge at the other, head lowered, in our best imitations of Rhino on the loose in the CHOM hallways.

March 17, 1999

It was the afternoon of Thursday December 3, 1998, a few minutes before I went on the air to do the 5 o’clock newscast. As we chatted in the CHOM studio, Pete lowered his head and charged in my direction. I stepped aside, which, if memory serves, was allowed in our game. He body checked the Wall of Fame, which, if you look closely at the photo in my previous blog, was full of autographs and messages written by the rock stars who visited the radio station over the years. The impact of Pete hitting the wall left a gaping hole.

In the moments after the hole happened, it was hastily decided we would plead ignorance, if questioned. Then, we less hastily decided honesty might be the best policy. In the end, we confessed to our Program Director, Ian Maclean, who laughed about it. He shook our hands, more relieved than anything else that it was not a case of unbridled and gratuitous malevolence.

Ian said something like, “If only the Habs could check like this.”

I can’t remember which artists’ autographs disappeared as a result of Rhino’s charge, but I do remember how bizarre the wall looked with a fresh white patch in the middle of all the colorful felt scribbles and scrawls.

It could be a little nerve-wracking not knowing when the Rhino might come a-rumbling - when CHOM was home.

When CHOM was Home - The Stairmaster

It was fairly usual as a news anchor at CHOM to have celebrities in the studio with us at news time. In most cases, the assorted rock stars would be waiting for the live newscast to end before going on the air for an interview with the announcer. Sometimes at news time, artists would be warming up for a musical performance after the newscast and, once I was done reading, I would conveniently linger.

David Bowie, Slash, Burton Cummings, Train, I was never sure, aside from murmurs in the hallways, who I would discover in the studio at news time. Regardless of who I met in there, I'm proud to say that I was able to deliver the news coherently and credibly. After I had finished, many of the famous visitors would compliment me, or offer a reaction to a story I had read. Cool.

Without being indiscreet, I can tell you I have been poked, prodded, pinched and tickled while reading newscasts. Once, in the middle of a newscast, I glanced over at Too Tall to see two long pencils dangling from his nostrils!

Before we had computer screens to read the news, we used paper. I would leave the weather forecast on a piece of paper in the studio when I finished, so that it would be there on the news table when I returned to read the newscast an hour later. One day while I was reading a paper forecast on the air, Al Gravelle once reached over with his lighter and set it on fire.

One colleague sprayed me with a fire extinguisher while I was reading a newscast and the late Harry Schaffer would lob crumpled paper balls at me. The paper balls were manageable. It was only when one of them made a direct hit on the microphone that we would wince as we heard the deep “thump” in our headphones.

Still, I mostly managed to deliver the news coherently and credibly.

I had my kryptonite, however, and he was Marty Lamarre.

Music Director Neil Kushnir, DJ Paul Beauregard, members of The Cult and the "Stairmaster" on the far right

Marty and I played a lot of hockey together and made a lot of music. I would play guitar and he would play drums.

Whenever he was working the same shift as me at the radio station, I would implore and desperately beg him not to do his stair routine while I was on the air reading news.

In the middle of my newscast, he would sometimes jump up from his chair across from me and pretend he was going down stairs while flashing a goofy grin and frantically waving his hand at me. Then, of course, with great glee, he would pretend to come back up the stairs.

If he did it, I would lose it. And he knew it.

When I saw him at the CHOM 50^th anniversary a few weeks ago, he had forgotten about it. I wish I could. It still causes me nightmares.

I would have serious news stories to read and would beg him not to do the stairs! I would sit in the news chair reading from the computer screen while holding a piece of paper, or an article of clothing, up in front of me so that I wouldn’t be able to see Marty. If any part of him made it into my field of vision, I would inevitably imagine the rest of his antics and promptly lose it – when CHOM was home.