Spare Me the Spandex

My wife purchased two pairs of jeans for me. I got one pair as a Christmas gift and, a few months later, she bought me a second pair.

I remember pulling on the pair I got for Christmas and complaining with equal parts disdain and mortification, “Why are they stretchy?”

She calmly told me they had spandex in them. Most indignant, I blurted, “Well, that’s swell, but why is it in my jeans?”

She insisted that is how jeans are made now. No way that’s right, I thought to myself, you’re just going to the wrong stores! I have not gone shopping for jeans in a while, but I cannot imagine good old fashioned, non-stretchy, 100 percent cotton denim has been rendered obsolete.

Are cowboys riding the range in stretchy jeans? Whoa, podner, I think not! Are construction workers on job sites sporting spandex? Fat chance!

Sure it’s interesting that spandex is made of a long chain polymer called polyurethane and that it is produced as a result of a complex chemical process where a polyester reacts with a diisocyanate.

But why is it in my jeans?

When it was first introduced by Du Pont in 1960, spandex was used in bras and girdles. In the 70’s, it was used in women’s underwear and swimsuits, then in biking shorts, leotards and women’s hosiery.

Why is it in my jeans?

An article in lifestyle magazine, The Atlantic, suggests, “…elastane fibers give jeans a softer feel and help ease the adversarial relationship between the durable rugged textile and tender bits of the human body.”

Pfffft. I’ve got news for you, none of the bits on this human body are that tender and I would prefer they stay that way.

The fashion universe may be unfolding as it should, but my jeans are not.

I will definitely have to purchase my next pair of jeans myself and my first, emphatic, question to the sales clerk will be, “None of my bits are tender so, please, where are the jeans that don’t stretch?”

I’ll straighten this out.

Women may have embraced softer, form-fitting, spandex-laced skinny jeans from the beginning, but I am not there.

My wife may have been under the impression I prefer being on the cusp of fashion trends, but, by now, she has most certainly realized that’s a bit of a stretch.

Not Totally Crazy

It was one of the coolest places I visited as feature reporter for the morning show. La Papeterie Saint-Armand produced the most amazing handmade paper – out of the most amazing stuff! The Montreal company by the Lachine Canal transformed linen, flax, denim and shredded cash. Co-owner Denise Lapointe was fun to interview, knowledgeable, with a sense of humour.

Their website says they are open to the public three days a week. If you appreciate paper or industrial history, La Papeterie is definitely worth a visit, once this pandemic is past. They have an amazing assortment of papers and impressive machines from a bygone era.

Since I had seen paper made out of blue jeans, I imagined that blue jeans could very well be made out of paper. There are companies that make polar fleece from plastic bottles!

I got a pair of jeans for Christmas. The tag attached to the jeans advertised, “100% Recycled Paper”. For several minutes, I believed the jeans I had been given were made out of recycled paper. People thought I was nuts! I blame La Papeterie Saint-Armand. It may have been 15 years ago, but with my own eyes, I saw paper made from blue jeans, so my imagination allowed for the possibility jeans could be made from paper.

So what is the tag in the photo referring to – the tag itself? I guess that’s the only possible conclusion. Hardly as exciting as mine.

In my own defense, there is a Swedish denim company that incorporates paper in its jeans. I’m not totally crazy.