Celebrating the Celebration of Love

We celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary last week.  

I lie.  

 

It was shamefully less festive than I have just indicated.  

 

We forgot our 31st wedding anniversary last week.  

 

I took a yogurt from the refrigerator in the morning and, as I opened it at work, I checked the expiration date and realized it expired that very day.

 

Unlike others I know, we tend to honor food expiration dates, so I thought I should warn Susan the yogurt expires today. 

 

I texted my wife with a photo of the yogurt label, telling her to look at the date. 

 

She responded by texting, “Big day tomorrow, 31 years married, 37 years together.” 

 

Momentarily confused, I suddenly realized the expiry date on the yogurt label was the date of our anniversary, the day we went on our first date and the day we got married.  

 

She thought the date on the label was tomorrow’s date. 

 

I texted back saying, “It’s today. Happy anniversary! How terrible that we both forgot!” 

I tend to overthink. 

And off I go. 

 

What does it mean?  

 

I don’t believe it’s a reason to panic, but I do think it is a reason to wonder or, at the very least, ponder. 

 

What does it mean to forget we have been married for 31 years? 

 

With her Oura and Apple Watch relentlessly churning out reams of personal information – statistics, analytics and biometrics – surely Susan has enough numbers to worry about. 

 

Drat, I can’t use that excuse. 

 

Let it go?  

 

Maketh not a mountain out of a molehill? 

 

Is it a sign that we are taking things for granted? Certainly; just the way we, unfortunately, take all the good in our lives for granted. That we take the good things for granted is a glaring flaw of human nature. 

 

Does it make us any less appreciative of our relationship? No.  

 

Every day together is a great day together. Am I right? 

 

Even when we remember anniversaries, our celebrations tend toward the underwhelming. 

 

Ah, phooey, we’re both still smiling and kissing. 

 

If we’re lucky, I suppose our anniversaries may unavoidably become more noteworthy. 

 

We have never put pressure on ourselves to overdo anniversaries.  

 

We acknowledge them (when we remember them) and are sometimes even amazed by them. 

 

It's a day like any other, and a day like any other is a reason to celebrate by letting it be a day like any other. 

 

Really, does it get any better than that? 

 

 

 

 

Welcome Frankendrivers

If you’ve been reading this blog, you are well aware that I cannot stop ranting about Quebec roads and the freaking stupid drivers who inhabit them. 

Start the timer, doctor. 

I have alleged in this blog before (May 27, 2021) that SAAQ examiners are getting filthy rich by accepting cash in exchange for allowing complete morons to pass their driving tests. 

 

How are these idiots getting permits? They pay extra. 

 

There is just no other possible explanation for the number of idiots there are on the roads. 

 

It appears there may be another factor partly contributing to the rampant road retardation. 

 

It turns out when people arrive here from other countries, the Quebec government gives them six months to adjust to the rules of our roads. 

 

These foreign drivers have six months before they are required to pass the Quebec driving test. Until then, do what you do out there on the road – or, do what you don’t do – or, don’t do what you don’t do – or do what you were doing wherever you were before here.

 

If, within these six months, they fail their Quebec driver’s test, no sweat, keep right on driving with your foreign license, but be sure to make an appointment to repeat your test 28 days later. 

 

What fun for Quebecers who know how to drive properly! 

Last year, around 140, 000 new Quebecers were trying to swap driving permits from their countries of origin for Quebec permits. That’s quite a pile of motorized unpredictability. 

 

SAAQ examiners apparently prepared a report, noting newly arrived foreign drivers tend to go through stop signs, cut other cars off, stop in the middle of the road, ignore crosswalks and fail to respect speed limits.  

 

Huh. 

 

I suddenly have a sinking feeling that giving them Quebec driving permits may be doing more harm than good. 

 

I think and, correct me if I’m wrong, the Quebec driving permit may be a license to keep driving stupidly, or worse.

 

Quebecers speed. Quebecers block passing lanes. Quebecers tailgate. Quebecers run stops. Quebecers ignore crosswalks. 

 

The mantra of the Quebec driver – you know it well…

Ignition. Accelerate. Drive stupid. Repeat. 

 

The bad news? I think we’re turning drivers from other countries into government-sanctioned Frankendrivers. 

 

The good news? If ever you need to make a quick buck driving a tuk tuk around downtown Jakarta in rush hour, you’re gonna fit right in. 

 

Break Out the Bubble Wrap

Here we go again.

It’s that time of year when motorized everythings and whatevers resume precariously zooming around in places where they shouldn’t.

 

Electric scooters on sidewalks.

Oversized, motorized wheelchairs with headlights on bike paths.

Motorized skateboards in pedestrian lanes.

Hoverboards and mono-wheels on streets.

E-bikes breaking the sound barrier on all of the above surfaces.

 

Doesn’t anybody pedal anymore?

These so-called micro-mobility devices are everywhere. It’s a free for all, although not so much for the people who are hit by them.

 

One study in the American Journal of Public Health reports that between 2019 and 2022, e-bike and scooter related injuries increased by 293% and 88% respectively.

 

Are we having fun yet?

 

There is a pilot project underway in Quebec allowing motorized scooters, or motorized personal transport devices (MPTD), to share roads with cars, as long as the rider is over 14, wears a helmet and their device does not exceed speeds of 25 km/hr, or weigh more than 36 kilograms.

 

Cops don’t even bother enforcing basic stop signs, so don’t expect anyone to be checking that the stipulated conditions are being respected by scooter scamps.

 

I see young children on e-bikes whizzing past our home.

 

Apparently, e-bikes are allowed to go 50 km/hr on roads with that speed limit. I’m sure I’ve seen them go that speed on roads with lower speed limits.

 

Heck, I’ve been passed by e-bikes on some roads!

Yes, indeed, all of these MPTD’s are permitted in bike lanes, which has Velo Quebec suggesting we make wider bike paths.

 

Really, that’s your solution; just make the paths bigger and throw them all in there and see who comes out alive?

 

The solution is probably intense enforcement, but no government seems the least bit inclined to spend that money, or invest that time.

 

We’re going to be forced to license anything with a motor of any size because people are too obnoxious to travel carefully and respectfully.

 

And what about these confounded oversized, motorized wheelchairs with headlights, whip antennas, CD players and airbags that are darting through our grocery stores?

You old-fashioned people still doing the bipedal locomotion thing - keep your wits about you; MPTD’s of all shapes and sizes are hurtling in your direction.

 

Bubble wrap, anyone?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Municipal - (wait for it) - Tax Bill

One evening last week when I came home from work, Susan announced that the municipal tax bill had arrived and, she added hastily, it was $1000 more than last year. 

Almost instantly, dejection and disillusionment began seeping into my mind. Dejection, because $1000 dollars is a freaking steep increase; disillusionment, because even though we have both spent our entire lives in this town, consider it home and grew up here as children, reliably paying our taxes for services every year, we are no longer permitted to receive bilingual explanations of our skyrocketing tax bill. 

 

Susan offered to show the bill to me but, glumly, I declined the offer, preferring to confront the dismal reality later. 

 

I sat on the couch wallowing in a fairly familiar soup of learned helplessness.

 

A few hours later, as we stood at the kitchen table, she pulled the infernal bill out of the envelope and after looking at it closely, she declared that she’d made a mistake; the bill was actually not $1000 more but, instead, it was the same amount as the year before. 

 

Uncomprehending, I stared at her. 

 

Wait, I don’t think the word “uncomprehending” covers it. Dumbfounded. Stunned. Incredulous. Flabbergasted.

 

Fine; as my brain cautiously processed her latest comment, I was also relieved, but she had reported a rather heaping discrepancy!

 

So very many questions; but why dwell?

Later that night, I reluctantly admitted to Susan that she’d inadvertently managed to make me feel quite lighthearted about the tax bill. 

 

That never happens.

 

She finds the episode amusing and, after several sessions with a gifted therapist, I sort of do, too.

 

However, my sweetheart, this is in no way an endorsement of any future plan on your part to employ such a deceptive psychological tactic. 

 

Do I recommend implementing this deliberate strategy for dealing with the twists and turns in your life?. Not really. 

 

Doesn’t it seem inherently unhealthy in many ways?

 

I believe it far wiser to invest in honesty.

 

And better glasses for you know who.

 

 

Are REM Riders Ready for Reality?

Not all, but most commuters are quite pushy and inconsiderate. You need only commute to learn the ugly truth about commuters. 

So, when the doors of the REM train open during rush hour at a stop along the very busy Deux Montagnes line, the shrimpy train will fill quickly. Then, when that same train arrives at the next stop and opens its doors, more of those waiting, pushy commuters I mentioned will try to cram themselves in. Then, when that same train arrives at the next stop and opens its doors...and so on. 

 

Will rush hour REM trains on the Deux Montagnes line be precariously overcrowded? Bet on it. Can the rolling stock and infrastructure handle that – who knows? 

Oh, sure, there’s another train 5 minutes later but during rush hour, with pushy commuters packing platforms, it will quickly and inevitably become a question of - Push. Pack. Repeat. 

 

I get it. Greater train frequency should prevent a build-up of commuter volume on platforms but I’m one of the many people who has repeatedly lived rush hour on the Deux Montagnes line. 

 

No self-respecting commuter galoot will wait another 5 minutes for the next shrimpy train to arrive when there’s people to push around and a perfectly good opportunity to get to their destination 5 minutes faster. Plus, who’s to say the next train coming in 5 minutes won’t be even more crowded?  

 

It bothers me so much that these shrimpy trains are driverless. So many millions of things can go very wrong. 

 

Tell me, are these shrimpy trains designed to jump over each other? No. So, when one shrimpy train breaks down, all the other, what - 10 or 15 shrimpy trains travelling at the same time on the line behind the breakdown - will be stopped in their tracks. 

 

The South Shore line has had more than its share of hassles and headaches. Keep in mind the South Shore line has been having repeated breakdowns, power failures, glitches and delays with only four stops along 16 kilometres in service. 

 

The Deux Montagnes line, with a historically mammoth ridership, will have six stops over a greater distance, although I’m not sure how it can have only six stops when there are so many more stops along the same stretch of track.

 

I’m puzzled that the REM considers the Deux Montagnes line six-stops only, with the last stop being Sunnybrooke. The train continues to Central station, passing through Bois Franc, du Ruisseau and the rest of the stops that the REM refers to as its Main Line.  

 

Can commuters waiting at Montpellier, for example, get on the shrimpy train from Deux Montagnes or does it roll straight through? If they are able to climb aboard, the trains will be absolutely packed! If they cannot get on, can a commuter from Deux Montagnes get off?

 

Does the REM train from Deux Montagnes not stop at those stations? If a commuter from Deux Montagnes wants to get off at one of those stops, do they have to transfer to the Main Line at Bois-Franc?

 

Those stops – Bois-Franc, Du Ruisseau, Montpellier, Cote de Liesse, TMR, Canora, Edouard Montpetit and McGill - are all before Central Station.

 

Think a moment, the combined Deux Montagnes/Main Line will have even more stops than the train it replaced, with several thousand more people each day looking to ride the REM. That means more people will be driving to stations to board the shrimpy train, which brings me back to overloaded rolling stock and pushy, inconsiderate commuters.

 

All those cars driving to stations will mean parking issues and there’s not much free parking. REM developers want you to cough up to park. Don’t doubt parking will be insufficient and expensive.

 

This REM project, which unilaterally cannibalized the perfectly good infrastructure of the Deux Montagnes commuter train line, was supposed to be affordable. All parking ought to be free.  

 

In 2016, ridership on the Deux Montagnes train line was estimated at 31,000 commuters per day. One estimate I saw put yearly ridership along the line at 7.5 million commuters. That was almost a decade ago! I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that estimated daily ridership today has more than doubled.

 

More stops over a greater distance than the South Shore section, and with all the towns and cities along the Deux Montagnes line swelling in population since the pandemic, and more companies reneging on hybrid work arrangements, ridership will be grotesquely high. 

Curious, I rode the South Shore REM line shortly after it opened and, frankly, it worked well on that day. It was summer and not rush hour.

 

The utopic version would have REM trains working reliably, safely and affordably, while helping significantly reduce consistently horrid rush hour road traffic.

 

Cue hysterical laughter.

 

There was a REM employee aboard who explained to me how the trains don’t always line up precisely with the platform and, unless they line up precisely, doors will not open. 

 

De-icing gravel in the door tracks was one of the many things that caused breakdowns on the South Shore line during winter months. Seriously? If REM trains have issues with de-icing gravel there’s no way they’ll handle all the other extreme conditions Montreal winters bring! So much for a weather-proof design.

 

One spokesperson for CDPQ, which manages the REM, is quoted as saying building and operating driverless trains has presented a rare set of challenges complicated by Quebec’s widely changing temperatures. 

Duh. 

They make it sound like they were caught off guard by Montreal weather. Did they not take Montreal weather into account? Did you not design and build the REM with Montreal weather in mind? Have you been outside?

How stupid do their comments about unpredictable weather sound?

I hope I never have to - or any of my significant others ever has to - get off a broken down REM train mid-line on a day when freezing rain has made everything treacherous and be forced to walk along elevated tracks to some bus. 

These shrimpy REM trains should not be driverless. If anything goes wrong, commuters will be at the mercy of an un-invested squawk box.

 

The REM was supposed to be the modern, capable transit solution designed to take Greater Montreal commuters comfortably, safely and affordably into the future.

For the promise of that, people living near the tracks have been enduring years of hell as construction fumbled along.

This ill-conceived project was supposed to solve transit problems, not create them. 

Pick a card, any card; the potential issues include - Safety. Reliability. Affordability. Accessibility. 

Eventually, there are supposed to be 26 stations over 67 kilometres of often elevated tracks moving people safely all hours of the day through ice storms, snow storms, wind, rain, stifling heat and humidity, and minor earthquakes.

No drivers, mind you - just all those trusting people riding alone in an elevated mechanical can.

 

I shudder.

 

The REM's gonna hit the fan.