Less Tolerant TV Tastes

The consensus around the table at the board meeting may be that this commercial gives your product the power to hook me, but it would be wrong. I rebel. I resist and I discern. I sit on the couch with my twitching finger poised, ready to press the fast-forward button on the television remote the very instant a stupid commercial appears before my eyes.

Sadly, I recognize the stupid ones and, given the choice, I will not be sitting through them, thanks. My PVR spares me the aggravation. By taping programs and sports games, I can fast forward through inane commercials and the pompous bloviation of certain so-called hosts, analysts and commentators. I would say they know who they are, but they wallow in self-absorption-induced cluelessness. I very much want to type out a long list of offending names but whenever the impulse strikes, I diligently and wisely wrestle my mischief-minded fingers away from the keyboard.

More now than before, I find myself insulted and annoyed by most television content. There are too many morons, moronic programs and too many mindless commercials. I appreciate creativity, intelligence, sincerity and insight, and while those qualities do exist on television, examples of them are sorrowfully few and far between. Judging by what passes for broadcast-worthy television content these days, I sometimes have the impression discerning viewers are just as few and far between.

How do you spell relief? M-U-T-E. If I can’t fast forward through the television stupidity, I will use the mute button to silence it, or press recall to dismiss it momentarily as I visit a mostly irritation-free ambience channel.

Options galore

The mistake may be my wife’s, for when she tosses the remote over to me claiming she cannot find anything good to watch, I eagerly rise to the challenge, maniacally jumping from one channel to another, in search of tolerable programming. My surfing, though sprinkled with generous helpings of mute and recall, is not designed to irritate my significant others, but to satisfy them with choices that appeal to the common good. There are times they may comment on my liberties with mute and recall, but there are other times when I believe they appreciate it.

By taping television programming, I can, relief of reliefs, rip through those 12 minute pharmaceutical commercials that urge you to try their new chemical concoction in spite of a spate of hellacious side-effects. While I will not object to watching kids try to spell food ingredients, rest assured, I will not be going to your restaurant because those people are there and, trust me, I’m heroically resisting the temptation to insert an adjective to describe those people. 

I’m keeping my fingers tightly crossed in fervent hope that my television is connected to the “people meters” recording viewing audience habits and preferences, because, in my own special way, I’m sending a message. I don’t imagine the meters register my preferences when I press mute, or watch taped programs, but, with any luck, they’re keeping close tabs on the number of times and exact moments I’m pressing recall.

I would do well to go on record as saying I am always willing to relinquish the remote. When the programming of choice does not suit me, I happily leave the viewing area in search of more lofty pursuits or, more likely, a television in another room.

Tyrannical? If you say so. I say tyrannical like a fox.